modern love essay amy krouse rosenthal

Modern Love’s ‘Marry My Husband’ Essay Has A Follow-Up, 1 Year After Writer's Death

Senior Culture Reporter, HuffPost

As she was dying of ovarian cancer last year, author and filmmaker Amy Krouse Rosenthal wrote a wrenching essay for The New York Times’ “Modern Love” column , creating what she called a “general profile” for her husband Jason to begin dating.

Rosenthal wrote that she was “facing a deadline, in this case, a pressing one. I need to say this (and say it right) while I have a) your attention, and b) a pulse.”

What followed was a dating profile and a love letter.

“He is an easy man to fall in love with,” she said of her husband of 26 years. “I did it in one day.”

The essay, “You May Want to Marry My Husband,” immediately went viral, generating hundreds of responses and becoming one of the column’s most popular pieces.

Days after the Times published the essay in March 2017, Rosenthal died at age 51.

In honor of Father’s Day, Jason Rosenthal has written his own essay for the column, recounting lessons he has learned in the year since his wife’s death.

“I am that guy,” he began in the essay, “My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me,” published Friday. He said he received countless letters from women around the world in response to his wife’s essay, which gave him “solace and even laughter” after her death.

Many women took Amy up on her offer, sending me a range of messages — overly forward, funny, wise, moving, sincere. In a six-page handwritten letter, one woman marketed her automotive knowledge, apparently in an effort to woo me: “I do know how to check the radiator in the vehicle to see if it may need a tad of water before the engine blows up. While I do not know much about reality TV, there was also this touching letter submitted by the child of a single mother, who wrote: “I’d like to submit an application for my mom, like friends and family can do for participants on ‘ The Bachelor .’”

Rosenthal wrote that Amy’s greatest legacy was teaching him to value the opportunity for “a new future,” and through her essay, connect with others dealing with grief.

“One thing I have come to understand, though, is what a gift Amy gave me by emphasizing that I had a long life to fill with joy, happiness and love. Her edict to fill my own empty space with a new story has given me permission to make the most out of my remaining time on this planet,” he wrote.

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“The cruelest irony of my life is that it took me losing my best friend, my wife of 26 years and the mother of my three children, to truly appreciate each and every day. I know that sounds like a cliché, and it is, but it’s true.”

The essay ends with a nod to Amy’s original piece — a fitting tribute.

Read the full essay here .

From Our Partner

More in culture & arts.

What a Modern Love essay by his late wife taught Jason Rosenthal about grief — and love

Amy krouse rosenthal's viral story about her husband served as a love letter and a personals ad.

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In the weeks before her death, Amy Krouse Rosenthal wrote an essay titled You May Want to Marry My Husband.

That piece , published as part of the New York Times' Modern Love column, served as a personals ad for her husband.

The author's loving description of her husband, and her honest acknowledgement of what she'll miss about him, struck a chord with millions readers.

Now, the subject of that essay, Jason Rosenthal, has published a memoir from his perspective, aptly titled My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me.

Jason Rosenthal spoke with The Current's Matt Galloway about grieving his late wife and finding love after her death.

Here is part of that conversation.

What do you remember about what was going on in your life and in your house when she [Amy] was writing that piece?

That was the last piece of writing that she really wanted to finish.... Obviously her diagnosis was terminal, so we were in home hospice and I was sitting up at the dining room table, which was my makeshift office at the time. 

And there she was, across the room from me in the living room, just trying desperately to, literally, physically complete this one last piece of writing. 

Of course, I read it, but I had no idea what to expect if it was going to be published, and I was extremely shocked at the outpouring when it did.

Did you know what she was writing?

No, I did not know until it was finished.

It's such a difficult time, and time is so short in those moments, but did you talk to her about why it was so important that she finish that piece? That that was the last piece that she wrote? 

Not specifically. There were additional nuggets that she left behind that I didn't even know that she wrote. But not specifically. No, it was all quite a bit of a surprise. 

It goes out into the world through this column — it's shared all around the world through social media and beyond. What sort of response did you get? 

It was overwhelming, I'll put it that way. At first, I was really absorbed into the depths of grief and couldn't process everything that was going on. And that was for quite a long time. 

It wasn't until much later that I went back into these bins that I had been collecting, literally, of physical letters, trinkets, pieces of art and other things that people were sending us and dove into those and really read all of them. 

Why do you think that what she wrote connected with people in that way … Why do you think it had that impact?

I think it's a combination of the beauty of our relationship, of the selflessness of the human race, and trying to comfort me — a total stranger at a time where I was obviously suffering a deep loss. 

Also, I think in general, as I've learned since then … everyone has an issue relating to loss that they wanted to sort of share and felt like they could connect with me because this was so public. 

That ends up being, in some ways, not your life's work but a big part of your life after Amy dies; that you become, in some ways, an expert on grief. Tell me a little bit about that and how that unfolded. Were you comfortable in that role?

It started because I gave a TED talk in April 2018 about my journey, really, in being with Amy and being with her at the end of her life, and a little bit about how I've gotten on since then.

And it was really as a result of the response, the incredible response from that and how people again connected with me, that convinced me that this was something that I really could do and that people really wanted and resonated with.

What were people looking for, do you think?

I think they were looking for a way to connect with someone [about] what they were going through in their own lives, because every one of us has a story of loss.

You're a lawyer, now you're a writer, and you also become a grief counsellor. Is that something that was easy for you, that transition?

Turns out it was, yeah. Who knew, right? 

I feel like it's a meaningful step in my life. It gives me great meaning to connect with people in this way.

Amy, in the piece that she wrote — [and] beyond that as well — encouraged you to go out and meet someone after her death. Why do you think she was insistent about that?

I spent a lot of time thinking about that, but I think that at some level she knew it would be so hard because our relationship was so beautiful and so connected. And I'm not sure, even now as I think about it, that I could possibly do that without her express blessing, and it really permitted me to move forward in my life.

Have you been able to move forward in that way?

Yes. I'm seeing someone and we're connected and I talk a very little bit about in the book, mostly because I wanted to give permission to guys in my similar situation to know that it's OK. You know, many people won't get the express blessing that I got. But I'd like to pay it forward.

What do you mean [by] permission? 

Permission to move on in life. You know, for me, I'm a relatively young man and I know a lot of people who are experiencing loss feel the same way. 

But it's hard. It's hard to even conceive of the fact that you might have another chapter.

Written by Jason Vermes. Produced by Howard Goldenthal.

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• Amory Sivertson

Amy Krouse Rosenthal was known for her award-winning children's books, films, and her memoir, "Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life." But she'll also be remembered for the Modern Love piece she penned just weeks before dying from ovarian cancer in March. It became one of the most shared essays in the history of the column.

Debra Winger reads Amy Krouse Rosenthal's essay, "You May Want to Marry My Husband."

Debra Winger has long been acknowledged as one of the screen’s finest actresses. Her roles in Shadowlands, An Officer And A Gentleman and Terms Of Endearment all garnered Winger Academy Award® nominations. It was her co-starring role with John Travolta in Urban Cowboy that brought her to the world’s attention. Winger went on to co-star with Nick Nolte in Cannery Row, and work again with her mentor, James Bridges, in Mike’s Murder before winning an Oscar® nomination for her performance opposite Richard Gere in An Officer And A Gentleman. Her second Oscar® nomination came for her role in Terms Of Endearment. She made Betrayed, a film directed by Costa Gavras about white supremacy, in 1988. Winger's films of the 90's include Bernardo Bertolucci's Sheltering Sky, Leap Of Faith with Steve Martin, Forget Paris with Billy Crystal and Wilder Napalm with Arliss Howard and Dennis Quaid. Winger received a Golden Globe nomination for her role in A Dangerous Woman and her third Oscar® nomination for her performance in Shadowlands with Anthony Hopkins. She has appeared in several plays at the A.R.T., has toured with Michael Tilson Thomas and the New World Symphony, and received a fellowship at Harvard University with Dr. Robert Coles – teaching The Literature of Social Reflection. She produced and co-starred in Big Bad Love which was written and directed by Arliss Howard. She was the subject of the 2003 documentary film Searching For Debra Winger and appeared in Radio with Ed Harris, Eulogy with Ray Romano, and HBO’s drama about the genocide in Rwanda Sometimes In April. She was nominated for an Emmy for her work in Dawn Anna. She starred in a season of HBO’s series In Treatment and was nominated for an Independent Spirit award for Best Actress in Jonathan Demme’s Rachel Getting Married. Simon & Schuster published her first collection of essays entitled "Undiscovered" in 2010. She co-produced the documentary Gasland, which was nominated for an Academy Award® and helped to ban hydro-fracking in the state of New York. She made her Broadway debut in 2012 starring in The Anarchist written and directed by David Mamet. She currently co-stars in Season 2 of The Ranch for Netflix and in The Lovers, which is in theatres now.

Amory Sivertson Host and Senior Producer, Podcasts Amory Sivertson is a senior producer for podcasts and the co-host of Endless Thread.

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Modern Love, Revised and Updated: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption Paperback – September 3, 2019

• Print length 304 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Crown
• Publication date September 3, 2019
• Dimensions 5.16 x 0.63 x 8 inches
• ISBN-10 0593137043
• ISBN-13 978-0593137048
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• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Crown; Updated edition (September 3, 2019)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0593137043
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0593137048
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.16 x 0.63 x 8 inches
• #114 in Dating (Books)
• #327 in Love & Romance (Books)
• #432 in Short Stories Anthologies

About the authors

Daniel jones.

Daniel Jones has edited the Modern Love column in The New York Times since its launch in 2004. His books include “Love Illuminated: Exploring Life's Most Mystifying Subject with the Help of 50,000 Strangers,” “The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explore Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Freedom, and Fatherhood,” and a novel, “After Lucy,” which was a finalist for the Barnes & Noble Discover Award. His new book, "Modern Love," is an anthology of many of the best Modern Love columns from the past 15 years. Jones appears weekly on the Modern Love podcast and is consulting producer for Amazon Studios’ show “Modern Love.” He lives in Northampton, Massachusetts and in New York City.

Deborah Copaken

DEBORAH COPAKEN is the New York Times bestselling author of several books, including Shutterbabe, The Red Book, and Between Here and April. A contributing writer at The Atlantic, she was also a TV writer on "Emily in Paris," performer (The Moth, etc.), and a former Emmy Award-winning news producer and photojournalist. Her photographs have appeared in Time, Newsweek, and The New York Times. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Guardian, The Financial Times, The Observer, The Wall Street Journal, The Nation, Slate, O, the Oprah Magazine, and Paris Match, among others. Her column, “When Cupid is a Prying Journalist,” was adapted for the Modern Love streaming series. She lives in Brooklyn with her family.

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• Entertainment

Author Amy Krouse Rosenthal Dies After Writing Dating Profile Essay About Her Husband

A my Krouse Rosenthal, the children’s book author whose emotional “Modern Love” column about her husband recently went viral, died of cancer on Monday, her literary agent confirmed to TIME.

Rosenthal’s recent New York Times column, titled “ You May Want to Marry My Husband ,” explained her ovarian cancer diagnosis and served as both a love letter and dating profile for her husband of 26 years.

“I want more time with Jason. I want more time with my children. I want more time sipping martinis at the Green Mill Jazz Club on Thursday nights. But that is not going to happen,” Rosenthal, 51, wrote in the column, which was published March 3.

“I probably have only a few days left being a person on this planet. So why I am doing this? I am wrapping this up on Valentine’s Day, and the most genuine, non-vase-oriented gift I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins.”

Rosenthal was the author of 28 children’s books and a 2016 memoir, Textbook Amy Krouse Rosenthal .

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Read This and Cry … It’s Friday

It’s Friday. You did it! You made it through a long week, that comes at the end of a long month, that comes at the end of an unbearably long year. So why not release some of that weepy, ugly-cry energy you’ve been jealously hoarding until you can watch Coco for the seventh time? You’ve earned it.

Today’s cry comes from Jason Rosenthal. Last year, his wife of 26 years, author Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who was terminally ill with ovarian cancer at the time, wrote a dating profile for him in the form of a funny, wrenching Modern Love essay for the New York Times . “I want more time with Jason … But that is not going to happen. I only have a few days left being a person on this planet,” she wrote. “The most genuine … gift I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins.” Ten days later, she died. Now, just over a year later, Jason has written his own Modern Love essay about life after Amy, and much like his late wife’s, it’s in turn funny, raw, and devastating.

He writes that many women took Amy up on her offer to date him, and that, “in a six-page handwritten letter, one woman marketed her automotive knowledge, apparently in an effort to woo me: ‘I do know how to check the radiator in the vehicle to see if it may need a tad of water before the engine blows up.’”

His wife’s essay also served as a reminder to make the most of his life, Jason says, and he offers advice to families who might be facing similar situations.

If I can convey a message I have learned from this bestowal, it would be this: Talk with your mate, your children and other loved ones about what you want for them when you are gone. By doing this, you give them liberty to live a full life and eventually find meaning again. There will be so much pain, and they will think of you daily. But they will carry on and make a new future, knowing you gave them permission and even encouragement to do so.

Last year, Amy concluded her viral essay with a large blank space to give her husband and whomever he ended up with “the fresh start you deserve.”

Jason does the same, writing, “My wife gave me a gift at the end of her column when she left me that empty space, one I would like to offer you. A blank space to fill. The freedom and permission to write your own story. Here is your empty space. What will you do with your own fresh start?”

Damn. Read the full essay here , and watch Jason Rosenthal’s TED Talk about grief and loss here .

• modern love
• amy krouse rosenthal
• jason rosenthal

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The Two-Way

Author, 'modern love' essayist amy krouse rosenthal dies at 51.

Camila Domonoske

From 1997: Amy Krouse Rosenthal On What She's Thankful For

Chicago author Amy Krouse Rosenthal has died at 51, according to The Associated Press. Kevin Nance/Chicago Tribune/TNS via Getty Images hide caption

Chicago author Amy Krouse Rosenthal has died at 51, according to The Associated Press.

Amy Krouse Rosenthal, the best-selling author who recently announced her illness by penning a personals ad for her beloved husband, has died at 51.

Rosenthal had ovarian cancer. Her longtime literary agent confirmed her death to The Associated Press.

As an author, Rosenthal won hearts with her children's books and her memoirs — and broke them with her "Modern Love" column called " You May Want To Marry My Husband ." It ran in the New York Times earlier this month.

Author Interviews

Amy rosenthal's lively, personal 'encyclopedia', spread the good word: atm=always trust magic.

In the piece, Rosenthal announced her illness, celebrated her family and sought a new partner for her husband, Jason. She finished the essay — difficult to write through a haze of drugs and illness — on Valentine's Day, she said, "and the most genuine, non-vase-oriented gift I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins."

Rosenthal was a prolific writer, with more than 30 books to her name, the AP reports — including children's books Uni the Unicorn and Duck! Rabbit! The wire service continues:

" She made short films and YouTube videos, gave TED talks and provided radio commentary for NPR, among others. "She also raised three children and had a flair for random acts of kindness, whether hanging dollar bills from a tree or leaving notes on ATM machines. ... "Rosenthal loved experimenting with different media, and blending the virtual and physical worlds. One of her favorite projects began with a YouTube video, '17 Things I Made,' featuring everything from books she had written to her three children to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. At the end of the video, she welcomed fans to join her at Chicago's Millennium Park, on August 8, 2008, at 8:08 p.m. The goal was to make a 'cool' 18th thing. "Hundreds turned out to 'make' things — a grand entrance, a new friend, a splash, something pretty."

Rosenthal was famously upbeat — an NPR book critic once called her "preternaturally cheerful."

Even her essay announcing her terminal disease was forward-looking and, in its own way, profoundly joyful. But the popular essay left many a reader in tears, as Rosenthal celebrated her husband and the life she was about to leave behind:

"If you're looking for a dreamy, let's-go-for-it travel companion, Jason is your man. He also has an affinity for tiny things: taster spoons, little jars, a mini-sculpture of a couple sitting on a bench, which he presented to me as a reminder of how our family began. "Here is the kind of man Jason is: He showed up at our first pregnancy ultrasound with flowers. This is a man who, because he is always up early, surprises me every Sunday morning by making some kind of oddball smiley face out of items near the coffeepot: a spoon, a mug, a banana. ... "If he sounds like a prince and our relationship seems like a fairy tale, it's not too far off, except for all of the regular stuff that comes from two and a half decades of playing house together. And the part about me getting cancer. Blech."

Rosenthal contributed to NPR several times, including a Thanksgiving-themed commentary from 1997 about what she was grateful for. "I'm thankful for hot soup on cold Sundays," she said. "I'm thankful every time I pull up to a parking meter with free time remaining. I'm thankful for pockets."

You can hear that commentary here:

You can also read an excerpt from her first memoir, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. One of the items was "Dying."

"People are just dying everywhere, all the time, every which way," she wrote. "What can the rest of us do but hold on for dear life."

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Amy Krouse Rosenthal, author who penned viral 'Modern Love' essay, dies at 51

Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who wrote more than 28 children's books and penned a widely read Modern Love column for the New York Times published earlier this month, died on Monday at age 51 following a battle with ovarian cancer.

Rosenthal was known for the children's books ! , Duck! Rabbit! , and I Wish You More and her memoirs, Encyclopedia of an Extraordinary Life and Textbook Amy Krouse Rosenthal . Last week, the New York Times posted a piece written by Rosenthal in February that detailed her health struggles and asked readers to consider a relationship with her husband.

"I want more time with Jason. I want more time with my children. I want more time sipping martinis at the Green Mill Jazz Club on Thursday nights. But that is not going to happen. I probably have only a few days left being a person on this planet. So why I am doing this?" Rosenthal wrote in the piece, titled "You May Want to Marry My Husband." "I am wrapping this up on Valentine's Day, and the most genuine, non-vase-oriented gift I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins."

The emotional piece was praised online, with many readers sending in responses about their own experiences with terminal illness and grief, as well as hopes and wishes for future relationships.

Rosenthal, who first began writing in the late '90s, actually began her career in advertising before switching over to write children's books. According to the Associated Press , Rosenthal completed seven picture books before her death, including a one that saw her collaborate with her daughter Paris, titled Dear Girl .

"Everything Amy did was life and love affirming. She was such a bright light with a great sense of wonder," said Amy Rennert, Rosenthal's literary agent and friend, in a statement. "Amy loved her family. She loved words, ideas, connections. She taught us that life's seemingly small moments are not really small at all. Amy's final essay, written under the most difficult of circumstances, a love letter to her husband Jason, was the ultimate gift to him and also to the rest of us. She leaves behind a legacy of love and beauty and kindness."

The Uni the Unicorn author was also a contributor to NPR, Amy Poehler's Smart Girls, and Oprah Magazine. She was also known for her TED Talks — the most famous of which, " 7 Notes on Life ," saw the author encouraging viewers to "Make the most of your time here."

"We are deeply saddened by the news of our author Amy Krouse Rosenthal's death," said Penguin Random House in a statement. "We have had the honor of working with Amy for many years, and have great admiration for her both professionally and personally. Together, we will be privileged to bring the joy of her books to adult and children's readers for generations to come."

A Tufts University graduate, Rosenthal often experimented with nontraditional mediums and forms, from making her own short videos to organizing a gathering of hundreds of readers with the goal of "making" things — one of whom was fellow author John Green ( Paper Towns ), who went on to become a friend.

"No one wrote like Amy," tweeted Green upon hearing the news. "No one saw the world the way she did." Green and other members of the literary community remember Rosenthal, below.

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This week, the Modern Love podcast revisits Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s widely read essay. Stay tuned next week to hear a response from Ms. Rosenthal’s husband.

Picture Books About Kindness, Compassion and Peace in a Turbulent World

Love shines out from gorgeous new books by Matt de la Pena and Loren Long, Oliver Jeffers, Nikki Giovanni and Ashley Bryan, and Amy Krouse Rosenthal.

By Samantha Hunt

Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Children’s Author and Filmmaker, Dies at 51

Her death came 10 days after a “Modern Love” column in The Times about her illness titled, “You May Want to Marry My Husband.”

By Sam Roberts

My 10 Favorite Books: Michelle Dockery

The actress shares the titles she would most want with her on a desert island.

By Michelle Dockery

‘Live for the Moment’: Readers Share Stories of Love and Loss

Readers respond to an essay by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who, after learning she doesn’t have long to live, composed a dating profile for her husband.

By Marie Tae McDermott

‘ABC Dream’ and ‘Awake Beautiful Child’

Two stylish new alphabet books deliver enchantment along with the ABCs.

By Maria Russo

You’re Special

Three picture books explore the theme of individuality.

By Michael Ian Black

Bookshelf: Numbers

New picture books offer creative approaches to counting.

By Pamela Paul